i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Randomize