and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
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