I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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