I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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