i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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