Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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