The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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