Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
