the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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