i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Randomize
