Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
