I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
