Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
