Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
