Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
