My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
