is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
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