You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
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