we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I have feelings that need drinking.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
