Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
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