maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
