Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
