just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
