the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
