Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
