When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
