just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
