your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I touched a dick in church today
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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