her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
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After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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