So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
