Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Randomize
