I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
