it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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