last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
