I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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