I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Randomize
