the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
my shit smells like andre
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
