you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
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