Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Randomize
