Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Say something about gay babies.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
