The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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