I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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