she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
