i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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