are you so shy because you have an std?
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
