Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
