It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Are we still banned from the library?
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
