why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
