i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Randomize
