I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
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