I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize