Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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