My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
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