And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
