My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
