Kiss
Puke
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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