He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Randomize
