a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
worst night to have a conscience
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
