like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
