So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
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