I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
We have started to decorate penises.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
