it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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