I didn't shave. On purpose
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
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