So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Randomize
