I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
