i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Someone shattered a urinal.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
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