i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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