people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
