Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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