she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
