so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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