I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
There was a lot of him and a little penis
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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